LETTING GO

earbuzz: let it go- keyshia cole/ blaque- questions
topic: "letting go"

* i remembered my password! so im pretty excited for this blog. =]

I'd like to start off by saying "thank you." THANK YOU to everyone who has stepped into and out of my life. no matter who you are... whether it was just for one second...
those simple glances, friendly smiles... anything you did that made me feel recognition... the feeling that i was alive and breathing....
to those who are a still a part of my life and have been there since what seems like "forever"... the ones whom i call my best friends... my daily faces =]... to even my so-called "enemies."
i've come to realize that one thing that we all face in our lifetime...what we all share...what we have in common.... is what seems like the hardest thing we'll ever face is "letting go..."

Letting go... depending on how great of an impact that experience was in your past....
letting go could mean one of several things...
...the loss of a loved one to the Heavens
.... the loss of a lover to another person
... the loss of a lover....period.
... the loss of a pet
... an embarassing moment
... the greatest mistake
... good times
... past relationships
...bad times
and so on.

something will always remind us of these hardships... i say hardships... because letting go is hard. its difficult to not seem to care.... to not incorporate what we have learned or even not learned from what we've experienced in the past in our daily lives.... its hard sometimes to look towards the future...when the future is such a blur...which is why we sometimes wish we could see the future...or go back in time.... some superpower of that sort... =]

i currently face this growing epidemic. im not quite sure where to start.... its a composite of things.... varying from past relationships...to lost loved ones..
my baby brother who would have been now 16 years old as of october 5th. he died the day he was born....you would think i would be over it by now...or not even think of him at all... its crazy... i feel i like i think about him so much...that it feels as though he was alive and grew up with me and he just barely passed away.
i think about letting go of a lot things... and just moving on.... i feel as though that's my biggest flaw. i runaway. i've never truly been heartbroken.... im scared of it. i feel like we're all scared of rejection...in some sense. thats why we paint a face...we cover it up with smiles...laughter... jokes... and we pretend like we don't care...like nothing is on our mind...and then when we're all alone....or something seems to remind us of that thing we can't let go or the feeling of rejection...we have no way of expressing it...because its new to us...that feeling.
i think thats the reason i am the way i am today. i seem to really like change...so much that it has really become unstable. i've learned to get over things that shouldn't be "gotten over" for better choice of words or rather lack of words. i make things seem like "everything is okay." then it blows up in my face later on... and it happens. "that feeling." That lack of expression.... and then i start over.

there it is.... i let go.
at least my way of letting go.