soooo i was sorting out my stuff....and i randomly came across a stack of papers folded in a bag...i opened it up...and this is what i found....
written july 2005.
only two years ago...but it still feels like it was when i was hella young& things seemed so intense. below is a long poem that i wrote for "my first love." it's something we all can relate to. that feeling.... of not wanting to "let go" but too confused to stay...if that makes any sense.
*love is set by dreams put into reality... without imperfections. LOVE, however, is imperfect.
"First & Only Love"
When I look into your eyes,
I see a reflection of what my life may be in the near future.
filled with dreams that were created through passion.
a passion so strong that withheld every ounce of emotion and feeling.
feelings that were....and still are....beautiful.
Love,
thinkin' about you and me
and what we used to be
lookin' back on the past
and how God blessed me with everything I need
*creation made to the simplicity of imperfect perfection
a beautiful smile and a loving voice....
you had everything of my choice
arms and an open heart to keep mine warm
through thick and through thin; the rainy days and scary storms
you're all that i want and need; my first and only love
sent down from Heaven, from the Lord above.
created for a life meant for you and me...
a love created and set free through our
perfect yet imperfect dreams.
I remember like yesterday,
our first moment...spark of love
we danced the night away...
floating off to the distance and above...
our first and last dance of that year...
though, what we didn't know was that our
first and last dance would bring us so near.
a day, a night that brought tears to our eyes.
as the girls dressed up in heels&curls to the boys
in pearly whites and ties.
Graduation brought an end to a new beginning.
a beginning to a life with you meant worth living.
all the memories and times together.
filled with laughter and sweet misery
from time to time.
from summer to summer.
brought each moment with you...opportunity.
we shared many experiences...
from good ones to bad.
sorry for all the things that were said and done to make you mad.
moments in time that both you and i will never forget...
all the memories and feelings within our hearts, forever kept.
i apologize for the past.
which was probably the reason our love did not last.
im sorry it took me so long to realize i was hurting you...
all i can say now is that i learned and now know what to do.
i did love you...
just without 3/4's of my heart.
which in the end made all the difference as we drifted apart.
now,
as i lie and think and dream of all the moments with you...
hoping, wishing, they once again...all come true.
i love you...
even with the 3/4's of my heart...
you will always carry all of the pieces...even when we part.
you are my only true, pure, love...
because just as they say...
you NEVER FORGET YOUR FIRST LOVE.
*no regrets.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Sunday, October 21, 2007
HAPPY BLOG! =D
so yea this is my "brag blog." this week was just too perfect. i loved every moment...just wana be able to look back on this blog...and recapture that feeling. yadidi? hahahah hella corny. but s'all good.
random blabs from this last week 10/15-10/22:
- got a taste of thee lola's cooking... some home cooked filipino meals brought me back in time. i missed her & her hella bomb ass cooking! =P yadidi? that kare-kare, tisino [sp?].....leche flan. yummy
- spending time with the daily faces
- seein faces from the past
- getting pretty feet. ;] pedicure! love love those!
- knott's scary farm! FUNNEST NIGHT EVER! we all wana go back...same folks. ;]
- dinners. yummy.
- starbucks dates...favs.
- fam bam surprises hella dig 'em lol
- shopping! always a plus
- random/long phone calls from old/new faces
- deep talks
- long walks.
okieee im bored now. until the next blog! peaceazys ;]
random blabs from this last week 10/15-10/22:
- got a taste of thee lola's cooking... some home cooked filipino meals brought me back in time. i missed her & her hella bomb ass cooking! =P yadidi? that kare-kare, tisino [sp?].....leche flan. yummy
- spending time with the daily faces
- seein faces from the past
- getting pretty feet. ;] pedicure! love love those!
- knott's scary farm! FUNNEST NIGHT EVER! we all wana go back...same folks. ;]
- dinners. yummy.
- starbucks dates...favs.
- fam bam surprises hella dig 'em lol
- shopping! always a plus
- random/long phone calls from old/new faces
- deep talks
- long walks.
okieee im bored now. until the next blog! peaceazys ;]
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
LETTING GO
earbuzz: let it go- keyshia cole/ blaque- questions
topic: "letting go"
* i remembered my password! so im pretty excited for this blog. =]
I'd like to start off by saying "thank you." THANK YOU to everyone who has stepped into and out of my life. no matter who you are... whether it was just for one second...
those simple glances, friendly smiles... anything you did that made me feel recognition... the feeling that i was alive and breathing....
to those who are a still a part of my life and have been there since what seems like "forever"... the ones whom i call my best friends... my daily faces =]... to even my so-called "enemies."
i've come to realize that one thing that we all face in our lifetime...what we all share...what we have in common.... is what seems like the hardest thing we'll ever face is "letting go..."
Letting go... depending on how great of an impact that experience was in your past....
letting go could mean one of several things...
...the loss of a loved one to the Heavens
.... the loss of a lover to another person
... the loss of a lover....period.
... the loss of a pet
... an embarassing moment
... the greatest mistake
... good times
... past relationships
...bad times
and so on.
something will always remind us of these hardships... i say hardships... because letting go is hard. its difficult to not seem to care.... to not incorporate what we have learned or even not learned from what we've experienced in the past in our daily lives.... its hard sometimes to look towards the future...when the future is such a blur...which is why we sometimes wish we could see the future...or go back in time.... some superpower of that sort... =]
i currently face this growing epidemic. im not quite sure where to start.... its a composite of things.... varying from past relationships...to lost loved ones..
my baby brother who would have been now 16 years old as of october 5th. he died the day he was born....you would think i would be over it by now...or not even think of him at all... its crazy... i feel i like i think about him so much...that it feels as though he was alive and grew up with me and he just barely passed away.
i think about letting go of a lot things... and just moving on.... i feel as though that's my biggest flaw. i runaway. i've never truly been heartbroken.... im scared of it. i feel like we're all scared of rejection...in some sense. thats why we paint a face...we cover it up with smiles...laughter... jokes... and we pretend like we don't care...like nothing is on our mind...and then when we're all alone....or something seems to remind us of that thing we can't let go or the feeling of rejection...we have no way of expressing it...because its new to us...that feeling.
i think thats the reason i am the way i am today. i seem to really like change...so much that it has really become unstable. i've learned to get over things that shouldn't be "gotten over" for better choice of words or rather lack of words. i make things seem like "everything is okay." then it blows up in my face later on... and it happens. "that feeling." That lack of expression.... and then i start over.
there it is.... i let go.
at least my way of letting go.
topic: "letting go"
* i remembered my password! so im pretty excited for this blog. =]
I'd like to start off by saying "thank you." THANK YOU to everyone who has stepped into and out of my life. no matter who you are... whether it was just for one second...
those simple glances, friendly smiles... anything you did that made me feel recognition... the feeling that i was alive and breathing....
to those who are a still a part of my life and have been there since what seems like "forever"... the ones whom i call my best friends... my daily faces =]... to even my so-called "enemies."
i've come to realize that one thing that we all face in our lifetime...what we all share...what we have in common.... is what seems like the hardest thing we'll ever face is "letting go..."
Letting go... depending on how great of an impact that experience was in your past....
letting go could mean one of several things...
...the loss of a loved one to the Heavens
.... the loss of a lover to another person
... the loss of a lover....period.
... the loss of a pet
... an embarassing moment
... the greatest mistake
... good times
... past relationships
...bad times
and so on.
something will always remind us of these hardships... i say hardships... because letting go is hard. its difficult to not seem to care.... to not incorporate what we have learned or even not learned from what we've experienced in the past in our daily lives.... its hard sometimes to look towards the future...when the future is such a blur...which is why we sometimes wish we could see the future...or go back in time.... some superpower of that sort... =]
i currently face this growing epidemic. im not quite sure where to start.... its a composite of things.... varying from past relationships...to lost loved ones..
my baby brother who would have been now 16 years old as of october 5th. he died the day he was born....you would think i would be over it by now...or not even think of him at all... its crazy... i feel i like i think about him so much...that it feels as though he was alive and grew up with me and he just barely passed away.
i think about letting go of a lot things... and just moving on.... i feel as though that's my biggest flaw. i runaway. i've never truly been heartbroken.... im scared of it. i feel like we're all scared of rejection...in some sense. thats why we paint a face...we cover it up with smiles...laughter... jokes... and we pretend like we don't care...like nothing is on our mind...and then when we're all alone....or something seems to remind us of that thing we can't let go or the feeling of rejection...we have no way of expressing it...because its new to us...that feeling.
i think thats the reason i am the way i am today. i seem to really like change...so much that it has really become unstable. i've learned to get over things that shouldn't be "gotten over" for better choice of words or rather lack of words. i make things seem like "everything is okay." then it blows up in my face later on... and it happens. "that feeling." That lack of expression.... and then i start over.
there it is.... i let go.
at least my way of letting go.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
SINGLE LIFE.
music worth downloading: kelly sweet-raincoat
* this song is great for those stay at home rainy days... according to my ecology teacher...we're going to have a lot of those this year or at least gloomy days...so yea.
so my day was pretty chill... i only went to one class... i missed my yoga class because i started to feel sick...change of weather...ehhh..oh well, i'll make it up later... so after my class i ate at the loft with usual tuesday faces & had two drink dates tonight with my favs. boba&starbucks!...now i have to pee like every 3 minutes. =P too much info? hahah awww well it really made me realize how fun is to be single right now... not that being in a relationship totally sucks... its just nice to not have restrictions sometimes... being in a relationship close to four years in a row is pretty long...so i didn't really get the chance to experience life alone per se. im really looking forward to halloween this year... late nights & parties.... knotts scary farm.queen mary. clubbing.potential trip to SB!? hmmmm.... decisions decisions. =P
anyway... the single life? well just as the sayings go..."SINGLE& LOVIN' IT" and "SINGLE&READY TO MINGLE"... i guess they're the perfect explanations for me. i remember all those times when i'd make a girlfriend come along my dates with my bf's... i always felt bad, but now that im on the other side of the spectrum...its not so bad. i kinda like the idea of being the third wheel.... no commitments just plain fun...the casuality of going out and just shooting the "sh*t" & going with the flow seem to circle this whole single life status. yeaa you get the usual...ooooh are you guys talking...or is it a date type of questions... but its typical for people to question it... because YOU NEVER KNOW....right? hahah random hook-ups left and right have been quite the trend these days.
okay time to study!!! peaceazys babies.
* this song is great for those stay at home rainy days... according to my ecology teacher...we're going to have a lot of those this year or at least gloomy days...so yea.
so my day was pretty chill... i only went to one class... i missed my yoga class because i started to feel sick...change of weather...ehhh..oh well, i'll make it up later... so after my class i ate at the loft with usual tuesday faces & had two drink dates tonight with my favs. boba&starbucks!...now i have to pee like every 3 minutes. =P too much info? hahah awww well it really made me realize how fun is to be single right now... not that being in a relationship totally sucks... its just nice to not have restrictions sometimes... being in a relationship close to four years in a row is pretty long...so i didn't really get the chance to experience life alone per se. im really looking forward to halloween this year... late nights & parties.... knotts scary farm.queen mary. clubbing.potential trip to SB!? hmmmm.... decisions decisions. =P
anyway... the single life? well just as the sayings go..."SINGLE& LOVIN' IT" and "SINGLE&READY TO MINGLE"... i guess they're the perfect explanations for me. i remember all those times when i'd make a girlfriend come along my dates with my bf's... i always felt bad, but now that im on the other side of the spectrum...its not so bad. i kinda like the idea of being the third wheel.... no commitments just plain fun...the casuality of going out and just shooting the "sh*t" & going with the flow seem to circle this whole single life status. yeaa you get the usual...ooooh are you guys talking...or is it a date type of questions... but its typical for people to question it... because YOU NEVER KNOW....right? hahah random hook-ups left and right have been quite the trend these days.
okay time to study!!! peaceazys babies.
A SPARK OF FAITH.
just what i needed the most.
faith, you came just in time.
PHILIOSOPHY: believe in miracles.
musica:
lemonade- passion
faith, you came just in time.
PHILIOSOPHY: believe in miracles.
musica:
lemonade- passion
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
FREE-WRITE
okay so as usual...im awake at odd end hours...when i should be fast asleep like the rest of the world... at least those west of the united states. =P
i hella feel like this is one of those entries where it literally should be for my eyes only...or not even written at all because its all just nonsense...but then again its a blogspot...so who am i kidding? someone is bound to read this and possibily find it quite interesting, because thats what boredom does to you....it kills. it provokes people to stay hours on myspace, while others are still trying to figure out facebook. it makes people blog about whatever the hell is on their mind... from how pathetic their life is to bragging about their successes to some couple's 23423489 month aniversary...who knows.... who really gives a "s_ _ _" fill-in-the-blank. rhymes with poop. hahah just kidding anyways.
well, its one of those sleepless nights for me once again... i took a long break from studying for my exam tomorrow... and i ended up here. don't you find it interesting how when you have other obligations.... you find everything else in the world to do but that one, most important thing? for instance: soo i'm supposed to be finishing up studying... but i've been studying all day soo im okay...but let's say i wasn't...and i really didn't feel like studying but i try to force myself to study...all of a sudden i get side-tracked... haha you notice things like how messy your room is...or how you wanted to organize your binders... or how hungry you are.... something... iono... haha i just thought that was kinda weird because i noticed i do that 60% of the time. maybe i have A.D.D iono... haha just kidding. i don't it's a sad disorder... i shouldn't joke like that... but really tho. i don't. =P neways... so this is what is keeping me up... all these random thoughts....
like how....
i miss having long brown and healthy hair like how it was when i first moved to cerritos from san francisco.
i love how i just remembered about "press-on nails"....you know those faux nails where they're self-adhesive or you glue on yourself. well, i bought a box today and now i think the world of them! they're definitely a life-saver for my crazy schedule this week....my aunt's wedding is already this saturday!!! yikes!
i want to meet the light-skinned guy in the beater&black bball shorts in this youtube video http://youtube.com/watch?v=vxQfruk7qRM cause i think he's fcukin sexxxy! haha too bad i can't really see his face... but he moves sexxxy sooo its all good right?
i don't know what tattoo i want... but i really want one on my back somewhere...
i really want to work at old navy but my dad won't let me work. =/ why old navy? because they have cute clothes now! and i'd get 50% off. duh! =P
i like change....and how much i change my myspace for no good reason.
i wana paint my room the same color as my old room...
i need a vacation get away
i miss my best friends
im craving pinkberry and mitchell's ice cream.. iknow what a fatty right?
i wish i could be three places at once...because then i'd be here sleeping, eating san francisco, and shopping in new york. =P that'd be the best!
okay enough is enough
this really is a free-write for me... FREE-WRITE? free-write. oooooh! yay! double-entendre... i wana do a blog next on double-entendre. free-write& free rights would be a perfect one. okie dokie... time to hit the sack... check ya'll laters! until the next blog... peaceazys babies!
i hella feel like this is one of those entries where it literally should be for my eyes only...or not even written at all because its all just nonsense...but then again its a blogspot...so who am i kidding? someone is bound to read this and possibily find it quite interesting, because thats what boredom does to you....it kills. it provokes people to stay hours on myspace, while others are still trying to figure out facebook. it makes people blog about whatever the hell is on their mind... from how pathetic their life is to bragging about their successes to some couple's 23423489 month aniversary...who knows.... who really gives a "s_ _ _" fill-in-the-blank. rhymes with poop. hahah just kidding anyways.
well, its one of those sleepless nights for me once again... i took a long break from studying for my exam tomorrow... and i ended up here. don't you find it interesting how when you have other obligations.... you find everything else in the world to do but that one, most important thing? for instance: soo i'm supposed to be finishing up studying... but i've been studying all day soo im okay...but let's say i wasn't...and i really didn't feel like studying but i try to force myself to study...all of a sudden i get side-tracked... haha you notice things like how messy your room is...or how you wanted to organize your binders... or how hungry you are.... something... iono... haha i just thought that was kinda weird because i noticed i do that 60% of the time. maybe i have A.D.D iono... haha just kidding. i don't it's a sad disorder... i shouldn't joke like that... but really tho. i don't. =P neways... so this is what is keeping me up... all these random thoughts....
like how....
i miss having long brown and healthy hair like how it was when i first moved to cerritos from san francisco.
i love how i just remembered about "press-on nails"....you know those faux nails where they're self-adhesive or you glue on yourself. well, i bought a box today and now i think the world of them! they're definitely a life-saver for my crazy schedule this week....my aunt's wedding is already this saturday!!! yikes!
i want to meet the light-skinned guy in the beater&black bball shorts in this youtube video http://youtube.com/watch?v=vxQfruk7qRM cause i think he's fcukin sexxxy! haha too bad i can't really see his face... but he moves sexxxy sooo its all good right?
i don't know what tattoo i want... but i really want one on my back somewhere...
i really want to work at old navy but my dad won't let me work. =/ why old navy? because they have cute clothes now! and i'd get 50% off. duh! =P
i like change....and how much i change my myspace for no good reason.
i wana paint my room the same color as my old room...
i need a vacation get away
i miss my best friends
im craving pinkberry and mitchell's ice cream.. iknow what a fatty right?
i wish i could be three places at once...because then i'd be here sleeping, eating san francisco, and shopping in new york. =P that'd be the best!
okay enough is enough
this really is a free-write for me... FREE-WRITE? free-write. oooooh! yay! double-entendre... i wana do a blog next on double-entendre. free-write& free rights would be a perfect one. okie dokie... time to hit the sack... check ya'll laters! until the next blog... peaceazys babies!
Sunday, September 9, 2007
PARTY LIFE
Let's ramble about the night life...
okay so...i have another blog saved before this one but i just got back from a frat party in long beach...and now that im settled in...i had a few random thoughts i wanted to write about that i found quite interesting...=] [the rockstar that im on is still kickin in& i have nothing better to do...]
hmmmm....
i love...
how socal people now claim norcal hype...yee ;]
how e-40 and mac dre lingo&lyrics suddenly flow out of people's tongues so easily...
how HELLA has become suddenly a socal "thing to do"...
how guys seem to have more fun dancing with each other on the dance floor nowadays...
how guys end up hugging each other and bounce from the ground up... its like they re-invented the mosh pit all over again...
how shaking your head subsitutes for shaking your dreads... speaking of dreads...i've heard that the proper terminology for the so-called "dreads" is "locks" to be politically correct if i may say so...at least that's what many of my african-american friends and the salons call it... that's just as bad as saying....i guess i'll just go and flat out and say it...how nappy a person's hair is... yadidi?
source:wikipedia if you're interested in this topic....here's an excerpt from it...
[There are many reasons among various cultures for wearing locks. Locks can be an expression of deep religious or spiritual convictions, a manifestation of ethnic pride, a political statement, or be simply a fashion preference. In response to the derogatory history of the term dreadlocks, alternative names for the style include locks and African Locks. It is also argued that the accurate term for the process of creating the style is locking rather than dreading.]
HYPHY MOVEMENT: it goes places. ;]
i love how we [girls] spend hours trying to find the cutest or shall i say slutest thing to wear, perfecting our make-up to look like the runway models we see in vogue, and smelling like a pretty&exotic flower when by the time we're in the party&gettin our groove on we end up coming out smelling like smoke, alcohol, weed, sweat& other unknown substances, our make-up bleeds or fades while dancing, its wayyy too dark for anyone to see anyone so you end up not knowing who exactly you're dancing with, and your dancing partner probably doesn't even know wth they're doing because everyone is messed up to begin with...=] wow.
nonetheless,
i love being a girl...
we get in quick and for free without even mentioning who we know...;] thanks. okay the end.
ahhhhhh the night life...dontcha just love it?ahah yay. more to come! =P
okay time to smell like a pretty flower again! SHOWWEEZZY. =P
by the way...soulja boy. yooooouuu!....;] goodtimes.
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